Part I 1930-1944 Waiting for Santy - Down with the restoration! - Scenario - Somewhere a Roscoe - Beat me, post-impressionist daddy - Counter-revolution - Nothing but the tooth - The Idol's eye - To sleep, prechance to steam - Is thre an Osteosynchrondroitrician in the house? - Woodman, don't spare that tree! - Strictly from hunger - Frou-frou, or, the future of Vertigo - A pox on you, mine goodly host - Our unbalanced aquariums - Button, button, who's got the blend? - A farewell to Omsk - Captain future, block that kick! - Kitchen Bouquet - Boy meets girl meets foot - Sauce for the gander - Ther red termites - caution, soft prose ahead - Entered as second class matter - Kitchenware, notions, lights, action, camera - Swing ou, Sweet Chariot -Tomorrow, fairly cloudy - the love decoy - Hold that Christmas tiger - Smugglers in the dust

Part II 1944-1950 Acres and pains - Hell in the Gabardines - Garnish your face with parsley and serve - White bimbo, or Through dullest africa with tree sleepy people - Dental or mental, I say it's Spinach - Take two parts sand, one part girl, and stir - Farewell, my lovely appetizer - Cloudland revisited: Into your tent i'll creep - Physician, steel theyself - How sharper than a serpent's tooth - No dearth of mirth, fill out the coupon! - Pale hands I loathe - the customer is always wrong - Whatever goes up - So little time marches on - Cloudland revisited: Sodom in the suburbs - Amo, Amas, Amat, Amamus, Amatis, Enough - Inter flap "a" and throw away - Send no money, Honey - Nothing could be finer than to dine from Manny's China in the mornin' - The sweeter the tooth, the nearer the couch - Don't bring me Oscars (When it's shoesies that i need) - Danger in the drain - Cloudland revisited: Tuberoses and tigers - Mortar an Pestle - Methings he doth protein too much - Stringing up father - Sleepy time extra - Westward Ha! - Goodbye Broadway, Hello Mal-de-Mer - Please don't give me nothing to remember you by - Boy meets gull - the flowery kingdom - Carry me back to old Pastrami - The road to Mandalay - The back of beyond - It's not the heat, it's the cupidity - Bile on the Nile - Forty centuries look down - Seamy side up - Home is the hunted - The pants recaptured - Clouldand revisited: Great Aches from little boudoirs grow - Many a slip - Swiss family Perelman - Rancors Aweigh - Fifteen Dutch on a red man's chest.

Part III 1950-1958 Up the close and down the stair - The hand that cradles the rock - Is there a doctor in the cast? - Clouland revisited: why, doctor, what big green eyes you have! - o starch in the Dhoti, S'll Vous Plait - Genuflection in the sun - A girl and a boy anthropoid were dancing - Cloudland revisited : Rock-a-bye, viscount, in the treetop - Nesselrode to jepardy - Chewies the goat but Flicks need hypo - Personne Ici except us chickens - De gustibus ain't what dey used to be - Cloudland revisited: Antic hey hey - Hell hath no fury...and saks no brake - And thou beside me, yacketing in the wilderness - The frosting's on the dry goods, the customer's in shock - I am not now, nor have i ever been, a matrix of lean meat - Cloudland revisited: when to the sessions of sweet silent films - The saucier's apprentice - A hepcat may look at a king - Who stole my golden metaphor? - Cloudland revisited: Roll on, thou deep and dark scenario, roll - Heat yeggs in vessel and sprinkle with hazard - On me it looks wizard - The yanks are coming, in five breathless colors - Cloudland revisited: Vintage swine - And di you once see Irving Plain? - Pulse rapid, respiration lean, no mustered - Cuckoos nesting, do not disturb - Cloudland revisited: the wickedest woman in Larchmont - I'll always cal you Schnorrer, my African explorer - This little piggy went to market - Nirvana small by a waterfall - Cloudland revisited: It takes two to tango, but only one to squirm.

A collection, spanning 30 years, of Perelman's humorous mock-solemn commentaries on the absurdities of our times.